Sunday, April 21, 2013

Journal on Wuthering Heights


Heathcliff is one of the most emotionally antagonizing characters possible. Brought from a lower class as an orphan- no family, no friends; nothing- to the rich Earnshaw family, he undergoes a dramatic shift in his life, and it is leads to such a twisted story.
Most people are sympathetic with Heathcliff in the beginning of the story, but then turn against him later on. This is incredibly typical of humanity, is it not? Once the poor little kid stops being a victim, we stop caring for him; but Heathcliff is still a victim during his victimizer years. He is traumatized by what has happened to him. He started out being loved by his new family, excluding Hindley. Then Mrs. Earnshaw passes away, and Hindley’s only advocate in the household is lost, and he turns even more bitter. Mr. Earnshaw ships Hindley away due to the turmoil between the boys which really is the final straw for him. All the while, Heathcliff is in love with Catherine. They grow an attraction, a relationship, but poor Heathcliff, Mr. Earnshaw dies, Hindley returns as a tyrannical authority, and his love marries Linton for the wealth and social status. I understand his pain. He was an orphan, unloved from the start. Then he came into love, given a taste of it for several short years before it was so mercilessly taken from him. By the time of his departure from Wuthering Heights, everyone he has ever loved and everyone who has ever loved him has either died or abandoned and betrayed him, and he is left with a hateful step-brother. Can one seriously not show sympathy for this? For everyone here? Honestly, there needed to be some serious serotonin and oxytocin increases in this family, heck put it in the water if they can’t make it occur naturally at first! 
Love, love is what they need. Give them a hug once in a while; cry out the pains; talk. No, what happened to Heathcliff does not justify his horrible behavior later in the novel, but it makes if more comprehendible, does it not? And then his desperate love for Catherine crushes him farther than possibly conceivable when she dies. But what’s more, she comes back as an undead entity to haunt him for his life! Goodness, how does one cope with that? In a life with so much trauma, such a lasting, depressing love, of course Heathcliff would become what turned him into part of what ruined him! It’s a defense mechanism, an escape, a means to survive! Granted, it will only perpetuate the madness, the hatred, the pain- but it is what he uses, and I recognize that. He needed a hug. He needed love. He needed someone to talk to, a friend, a mentor, anyone who could relieve him of his tragedy.
Sympathy is abundant for all the characters if this novel, and that is what truly makes this novel so incredibly depressing. Once again everybody is in part a victim and in part a victimizer. It’s the agony that continues eternally. Hindley is a victim because an outsider entered his family and took up more attention than he, and he reacted negatively. They are all victims of society, all subjected to the ingrained idiosyncratic ways of their world. And yet, they are all members of this society and perpetuating its agony. 
Such is the story of all humanity, only now in a more manifested, impacting form. Ignorant people roam all around, not noticing the damage they do, and I am no better. None of us are any better because we are all deplorable human beings ruining lives, destroying dreams, ending lives left and right and calling it justice, calling it defense, calling it ethical. Is there no end? Is there no stopping of this horrible disaster, this man-made agony we call humanity? What do we have left? Blind hopes and dying chances? Do we have god? Do we have each other? Who even knows anymore.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Psychedelics & Hallucinogens


Hallucinogens are any drugs or substances that alter mental perception by the brain and the user. Categorized into three sections of psychedelics, dissociatives, and deliriants, hallucinogens vary widely in their effects. Psychedelics are traditionally “coined to express the idea of a drug that makes manifest a hidden but real aspect of the mind." Dissociatives are named such due to their effects of detaching the user from reality. Deliriants render the user incomprehensibly confused and with an inability to control actions, causing a moderate to severe state of delirium.


Hallucinogens typically receive a bad reputation due to their illegal status in the United States and their excessively exaggerated representation in the media, but used in appropriation hallucinogens (mostly psychedelics) can be used for long lasting positive effects in recreational use. In medicinal and research fields, hallucinogens can and have been proved to have very effective therapeutic and rehabilitative results. My personal quest since ninth grade to link my subconscious and conscious minds together for a multitude of reasons has now led me to external methods, e.g. psychedelics. This project is primarily my analysis of hallucinogens and their risks and benefits for recreational and medicinal uses.

Hallucinogens have been around for a while, a long while. Being the first drugs used by humankind due to their abundance in nature (e.g. cacti, mushrooms, etc.) they have long been used for religious and ritualistic medicinal uses by Shamans and other medicine men in several cultures, such as many Native American tribes. The use of hallucinogens has been used as a tool of religious influence and promotion of divine and supernatural experiences. Consuming ayahuasca has been notorious for revealing epiphanies and discoveries to users, and obviously religious leaders could use this to their advantage. If the drug was taken in group sessions and the Shaman influenced the direction of the users’ thought processes then they would come to believe even more strongly and deeply what they had been spoon fed for potentially their entire lives, further giving foundation to a religious or social order. 


Perhaps the most dangerous of hallucinogens are deliriants. Deliriants literally put the users into a state of psychotic insanity, incapacitating their ability to control themselves and opening doors for a whole slew of dangerous actions ranging from murder to running through walls. Users can suffer from several painfully agonizing physical effects, such as hyperthermia and the dilation and drying of the eyes, along with dehydration. Some deliriants are poisonous and can kill in very small doses. Almost all psychonauts dislike deliriants, as they can cause mentally taxing hallucinations and perceptions such as dark entity-like appearances, and the paranoia of being watched by something unable to be seen. Deliriants have been used by armies of ancient days as murderous stimulations before engaging in battles. From the emotionally scarring mental and physical effects of deliriants, and the superior dangers of unreasonably harmful actions while on the drug, it is safe to say that deliriants are the most dangerous of the hallucinogens.
More practical are dissociatives: drugs that detach you, causing the user to feel dissociated from society and their troubles. Many users use dissociatives as a means to escape, much like a super-alcohol or something to the sort; drug-induced vacation from all reality. Many users report feelings of out-of-body experiences, as though they can see down from an alternate position at themselves and the environment of their world. Dissociatives are known to cause amnesia, making the user forget most everything. Users find that the world around them seems dream-like, and this can also lead to dangerous actions, for the user may mistake the experience as a lucid dream, and therefore believe that the world and events can be controlled by mental whims. Not all dissociatives are the same, and some can cause depressant effects in the central nervous system, causing slower breathing, decreased heart rate, and many other depressant effects similar to opioids that can result in death in higher doses. Extensive use of some dissociatives can cause oxygen deprivation, and thus cellular damage of the brain and elsewhere. However, there is no definite proof for long term brain damage from the drugs themselves if taken appropriately and not abused, much like alcohol in minute, controlled amounts, only with dramatically different effects and risks.
Psychedelics are the most common, most popular, and most abundant hallucinogen class. Psychedelics are abundantly found in nature, and are referred to as the classic hallucinogens. Psychedelic literally means “mind manifest”, therefore explaining the purpose behind using psychedelic drugs: manifesting unseen portions of the mind, or the subconscious: that epically gargantuan portion of the mind most often unseen by most individuals. This is where my own personal interests come into play with my continuous journey towards self-realization and internal-absolution. Already with my own internal training I have gained much understanding of myself and the world around me, and I wonder many times what there is yet to comprehend. Most often the experience of introducing an outside substance can be easily influenced by what has occurred recently, or what has and is being spoon-fed to the individual currently under the influence of the substance; however my personal philosophy dictates that truths are aspects of realities based upon an observer’s perspective, and therefore truths are different for every subjective reality, thus allowing a special clause defending my mind from outside interference or coerced corruption, as I realize that they are simply a different take on what is easily interpreted in endless ways. Thus I am researching the psychedelic class in specific care, as it is indeed the most influential to me. The pros and cons will be assessed, including side-effects, specific drugs, occurrences in nature, long-term threats, and legal repercussions.
Primarily, there are four sub-categories to psychedelics: serotonergic, empathogen-enactogens, cannabinoids, and dissociatives. Serotonergic drugs are the classic psychedelics, such as LSD and mescaline. LSD is a tryptamide, while mescaline is a phenethylamine: the two categories of serotonergics. Tryptamides and phenethylamines produce extremely similar effects, with differences primarily in sensory alteration. Serotonergics interest me the most, as they are most suitably able for use in accordance with the purpose I intend, specifically LSD, LSA, and DMT.
Empathogenic-enactogens are psychedelics that enact empathy, sympathy, happiness, and similar emotions in an extreme degree. Among the induced feelings of euphoria and self-awareness, sensory reception (sight and sound) is enhanced greatly, giving most musically enthusiastic psychonauts reason to try this class of psychedelics in order to enhance their experience with music.
Cannabinoids; yes, marijuana can be categorized as a psychedelic drug, mainly due to its nature of altering the user’s perception, causing euphoria and sense of well-being, provoked philosophical thought, and all the other mental effects of marijuana use. Canabinoids are categorized as weaker then seretonergics. Now being legalized in several states, marijuana may very well be the first hallucinogen legalized for recreational, and not due to religious reasons,
Dissociative psychedelics are somewhat the bridge between psychedelics and dissociatives, demonstrating significant traits from both families. Dissociative psychedelics, such as ketamine, cause the disconnecting effects of dissociatives and the changes in perceptions of psychedelics. Salvia divinorum is categorized in several different groupings. This drug specifically causes psychedelic effects, dissociative separation, and opioid-like effects of negating the receptors of pain in the brain, making this drug a triple-effect substance.
LSD, LSA, and DMT: the three psychedelics that interest my purposes the most. 
“LSD is non-addictive, is not known to cause brain damage, and has extremely low toxicity relative to dose. However, adverse psychiatric reactions such as anxiety, paranoia, and delusions are possible.” LSD’s only conclusive physical detriment from taking LSD is the risk of what the user might do while on it, such as attempt to fly. Often called “bad-trips”, negative psychological effects can indeed happen, but they are temporary, excluding extraneous circumstances when the user has a preset and severe condition, such as schizophrenia or Major Depressive Disorder, where the conditions may worsen depending on atmosphere, user mindset, dose level, and drug quality. LSD takes between thirty and ninety minutes to take effect, and can last between six and fourteen hours, with varying experiences from slight perceptive alterations to extreme changes in cognitive thought. Effects most often reported are those of visual distortions, such as vivid colors, or animated static objects, distortions or echoes of sounds, image echoes, such as seeing a hand leave a trail of hands past its path movement. While the USDEA (United States Drug Enforcement Agency) says that LSD “produces no aphrodisiac effects, does not increase creativity, has no lasting positive effect in treating alcoholics or criminals, does not produce a 'model psychosis', and does not generate immediate personality change.” LSD has been experimented with for an array of physical and mental problems. Psychiatrists used LSD for psychotherapy and consistently reported positive results and acceptable safety with use. LSD has been used in conjuncture with therapy for treatment for alcoholism, with reports of decreasing sixty percept of abuse for up to several months. LSD has been used as a pain reliever, for most pain directly amplified by the anxiety, but also for the rare condition of cluster headaches. Recreationally, LSD is used for increased creativity in artists from all fields, and for spiritual enhancement. My main interest lies in the realm of spiritual enhancement. Philosophical ideas are promoted and enhanced. But most interestingly, users tend to report an understanding of their own minds. I feel that this is because the drug temporarily removed the walls between the conscious and subconscious minds, or if you would rather, built temporary bridges over the gulley between them. This therefore gives me reasonable curiosity as to my own personal benefit from LSD. Granted, it is deemed illegal, and possession could cost me anything from a minor offense fine to serious jail time depending on the offence severity and the jury treatment.
LSA, also known as Ergine, is a very similar but naturally occuring sister drug to LSD, whereas LSD is man-made. LSA is, quite simply put, the natural equivalent to LSD, with the same effects, results, threats, treatment possiblities, and same legal reprecussions.
DMT is a little bit different. DMT occurs naturally in both plants and animals, including humans. Inconclusive research has proven that DMT is produced by humans, and that the brain produces it in more quantites during Rapid Eye Movement sleep, but researchers cannot draw and direct conclusions from this. I, however, feel that this makes quite a bit of sense, as REM dreams are viewed as some of the closest things to a pure subconscious view as are possible, and seeing that DMT use induces similar experiences as LSD, LSA, and other similar psychedelic drugs. Theoretically, DMT is another substance, this time naturally produced, which connects the conscious mind to the subconscious mind. DMT is found in many different drugs, such as ayahuasca, and can be taken in every kind of method: injection, inhalation, insufflation, and consumption with additional substances.
So now here I am, still on my personal journey for understanding, still ready to utilize what the rest of my mind has to offer, and I’m faced with the compelling ability to try psychedelic substances to enhance my capabilities at reaching my goal. Are the risks worth it? Personally, my philosophy is “Hey, I’ll try anything twice” and the risks accompanying the spychedelics that interest me are slim; near non-existant. Laws regarding psychedelics may change in this country in the near future, much like they have with cannabinoids. So honestly, I can safely say that there is a definite good chance that I will try psychedelics in the future, due to the fact that most arguments I read against them on anti-drug websites are simple “don’t so these because they’re bad because they can hurt you because we said so” statements; the same line of thought that perpetuates condemning sociological and religious beliefs, destroying governmental ideologies, and ridiculing, prejudiced biases: this is how it is and how we’ve been taught and how you will be taught and that’s final. Substances that can enhance an individual’s own thought capacity, creativity, realization on humanity, post-structuralism, what god is, how everything works and fails to work; they are dangerous to established houses of rule, aren’t they? Once people start thinking for themselves, and enhanced thoughts at that, well we might just lose our dependency on those thirsty for power.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Love Song

I love you!
Yes I do.
From the very bottom of my heart.
Yes I love you!
You know it's true,
but oh where oh where oh where do I start?
This isn't my normal
metaphor sing-along
laced with meanings deep and long-
I just love you,
and I'll show you
with this simplified and easy song.
I wake in the morning
and I see the burning sky
but deep in my heart, a new flame arises
it's you
penetrating my darkness
an infinitesimal light, growing up, bigger than a star
than the sun
I feel the warmth
and I know, I know oh i know it baby! That I love you!
It's the honest truth.
Despite the ways I make it seem.
In our darkest hour
when we think we'll fall
we'll pull it through
because I love you!
I love you, love you
love you
love you
I love
you.

Nietzsche

I'm writing an English paper on Friedrich Nietzsche. I have to say, I thoroughly enjoy his concepts of eternal recurrence and the overman. Eternal Recurrence has occurred to me many times before, but happiness through the overman, this may just be it. Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Beyond Good and Evil, and On The Genealogy of Morals all concur with the same concepts, just described in different methods and styles.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Failure Through Surrender

Tonight, I tried saving someone's life online. She was from England, London. I failed. I failed but more importantly, I gave up. I gave up on the saving of another life, another young girl, younger than me. I just, I can't forgive myself. This will haunt me forever. The day I gave up on someone. The day I passively killed someone. The day I surrendered.