Failure Through Surrender

Tonight, I tried saving someone's life online. She was from England, London. I failed. I failed but more importantly, I gave up. I gave up on the saving of another life, another young girl, younger than me. I just, I can't forgive myself. This will haunt me forever. The day I gave up on someone. The day I passively killed someone. The day I surrendered.

Heart of Darkness Journal

In this novel, European Imperialism is questioned, along with the basis of human expansion and domination. On a perhaps deeper, more metaphorical sense, this novel brings up the question: what is god?

            Marlow begins his story questioning the imperialism of Rome, first civilizing the island of Great Britain, and then recounts his own story of the imperialistic conquering of Africa. European conquest and travel has always been a major part of the people’s history. Europeans always have carried an air of superiority over other people who do not live like them. In the Americas, the natives are viewed as savages for centuries and persecuted. In Africa, the natives are seen as primitive beings and are treated like animals. In Australia, the aboriginal people are flushed away and mistreated: but, why? Cecil Rhodes said he believed that the English were the first on earth, and the most superior, but that was a blatantly false and preposterous statement at the time he said it. So therefore, it is power, it is greed and collective selfishness. Every civilization thinks itself superior for some reason, doesn’t it seem that way? Don’t Americans claim to have the greatest country on earth? But, wouldn’t devoted Englishmen say the same thing for England? Yes. Aren’t North Koreans propagandized into believing themselves superior to the world? Didn’t Soviet Russia claim to be correct? Didn’t religions, and don’t they still today, argue and battle for superiority to discern who is correct and in more power? Of course. Humans always find something to believe in, don’t they? Patriots believe in their country/nation. Theists believe in a deity or multiple deities. Racists believe that their racial denominations are superior. Even those who do not believe in a country or god hold a belief that they cannot believe in the said country or god. Is anyone superior? Is any race or religion or ideology above another? Only those that strictly oppose the impediment and oppression over and of other factions. Therefore, England is no better than any of the regions it has conquered. As is implied at the end of the novel, England is its own heart of darkness.

            Deity: what is it? Kurtz became a deity for the native tribe he became acquainted with. But more importantly, he became his own god. Bill Maher argued the point that if there is no god, and humans pray and beg for this non-existent deity to bring them to enlightenment, where does this enlightenment come from? From within. This is why people of the same subdivisions of already denominated religious segregations of theism can have such opposing beliefs that they feel are supported by their god(s): their god is their subconscious mind and what they have been conformed to believe (remember my summer paper, Conformed to Corruption?). This statement is crucial to the understanding of true human pathology and sociology. My Grandfather once told me that “The only god you need is right there.” And pointed to my head, his intended meaning being that I cannot allow outside voices and opinions to alter my thought process without strictly analyzing them first: but this got me thinking; is the subconscious mind how god communicated to us? Well, at the time it certainly made sense, as I had been raised and taught that most people come to their revelations from god through dreams, or an idea or concept lofting up from some unknown sector within. Unfortunately for my faithfully blissful self, I had been on a quest of self-realization for several years, understanding the concept of the immense and under-used subconscious mind, and attempting for years to fuse the conscious and subconscious minds into one ultimate mind, allowing the ability to utilize more than the meager ten percent of the brain humans use at any given time. This combined with the newfound concept of supernatural communication brought me to a startling conclusion: this Christian concept of the “Holy Spirit” is actually the subconscious mind. Our own mind influences what we believe, how we believe it, why we believe it. Kurtz realized this before his death. He realized that he became his own god, he became the god for others, be persecuted, misled, wronged, and killed many people, and his only response is “The horror! The horror!” This thus places a connection between how people can possibly surmise that their god is backing up their country, especially in war, ESPECIALLY when at war with another country/faction that follows the SAME GOD. It is the same irrationality in sports. I was taught from childhood that praying for god to make you win the race, or make your team win, it is ridiculous. War is basically adult sports, where the penalties are death and injury, and the losing team rarely gets the option of a rematch, or ever playing again. Humans accept their geographical, political, and religious divisions as absolutely correct, undeniably superior, and supported by a divine higher power, all because we crave to believe in something higher than ourselves, and if we can have a triumvirate of superiority, then we can exist as happy going people bound with a common similarity. Upon recent research I have discovered that this concept has already been theorized and published by other philosophers and scientists, and therefore this is not just one crack-pot concept from an agnostic teenager, but a tangible explanation from professionals who dedicate their entire lives to proving this. Go online and search for the scientific proof of a spike in brain chemicals and hormones in a religious setting. Put under the influence of certain settings, the brain kicks on with the belief that it is not alone, that there is an outside force or being within and around it, and this is either viewed positively (god) or negatively (ghosts/demons/etc.) depending on the scenario. The History channel had a special on it a few years ago.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Journal

This book is a marvelous display of human nature, power struggle, and collapse. It appears as if those in the ward are really not so much mentally handicapped or insane, but just socially awkward and abnormal. In fact, most of the Acutes are self hospitalized because they are too weak and afraid to face the outside world. McMurphy, a strong man both physically and mentally, enters the ward to avoid the labor of the outside world. 
It seems that for the majority of the patients, they enter the ward sane, and either are driven to madness by the incomprehensibility of Ratched’s totalitarianism and narcissism, along with the continual deeper understanding of human nature. When McMurphy explains the character of Nurse Ratched, Harding breaks down at the revelation of the truth the entire ward has always known, but has been too afraid to address. Humans ignore, and this intentional ignorance is then mandated by the dictator of a medical professional ruling over her subjects. The said ignorance forces the “mentally ill” into a deeper lack of coherence and cognition, and therefore become subjected to Ratched until they conform completely to her whims and desires for their existences, as though she was an almightily appointed judge for the socially bizarre. On occasion, one will see the system, and break it. This is McMurphy, he is the power which is necessary for the liberation of the ward: the doctor, the nurses, the patients. He becomes a martyr for the cause of liberation.
Power, power, power: power is shifting like a slinky down the steps until no power is left except in those who were controlled. Ratched needs power, craves power like a hungry beast, slaughtering thousands to fulfill her endless lust for fuel. She is almighty and in control of all before McMurphy can begin to play the game against her, for the benefit of those in the ward, at the mercy of her terrible rule. Ratched controls the fate of all the patients, and this normally keeps them all timid, but when led by McMurphy, they feel limitless. They find new ways to rebel, they actually hold votes, and they succeed in gaining their lives back from themselves. Ratched desperately tries to keep a grasp on her power, and the tighter she grips, the quicker the oiled patients slip through her fingers. However, it doesn’t end well. McMurphy dies, dies before Bromden ends his physical existence. Ratched pushes, pushes so far for so long that he snapped, snapped like a twig in a hydraulic press, and she unconventionally and unprofessionally has him killed, turned into a subhuman being through the means of lobotomy. This power, it is addicting, and it is awe-inspiring in its horror; it kept the patients subject to her rule for years and years, until they at last broke free.
Collapsing is inevitable of any human system, all due to one fundamental law first found in thermodynamics: entropy. Entropy is in more than just the science of heat, it is everywhere; subatomic structure, decomposition, galactic formations, iris patterns, finger prints, food chains, life cycles, weather, solar flares- but not any human devised system; why? Well, we just love our order, don’t we? And in order to achieve this order, we need to have things set in stone, predictable, understandable, easy, and there must be as little chaos as possible. This is why human systems fail: they are not rooted in the fundamental keystone, foundation, and structure of all system buildings: chaos. Entropy is the tendency of a system to retain chaos, and it is necessary for the continuation of a system. Why? In thermodynamics, there is a little thing called 0 Kelvin, which is also called absolute zero. Absolute zero is where the total entropy of a system is at its lowest possible state: nonexistent. When any mass is at absolute zero, it doesn’t move, doesn’t do work, doesn’t emit energy, and certainly has absolutely no ability to sustain itself or live. What does Ratched do? What all humans have always done, of course! Disregarded chaos as the base component of all things and thus the fundamental principle of entropy tore the system to shreds like an infant in a wood chipper; small, defenseless, senseless, and so dead and gone it is practically impossible to discern just exactly what was there before. This is entropy in humanity; that mysterious force that nobody ever takes the time to understand which always destroys every system set in place, be it organizing elementary physical education to full scale political and economic policies: unless the fundamental concept is rooted in chaos, it cannot begin to hope to stand indefinitely.

http://www.ushmm.org/genocide/analysis/details.php?content=2003-02-25

Smile

A New Poem

I'm going to make a poem about genocide. I'll bounce around with it, disregarding time and exploiting many avenues.

My Response

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/599156_10151328347200779_279367844_n.png

Good. I'm glad they're cancelled, and do you want to know why? What do white house tours do for this country? I'll come out and say it; I'm a cynic. Why not cut out unnecessary budget items like White House tours, massive pensions and paychecks for politicians? of course, no matter what system you decide to use, it's broken, it's faulty, and it will fail in a finite amount of time because that's what systems do when not rooted in chaos. Entropy, the whole natural world is rooted in entropy: thermodynamics, chemistry, biology, ecology, oceanography, meteorology, astronomy- all of the natural universe is organized through chaos. So, what makes you think you can create a non-chaotic system and expect it to last, expect it to work? Chaos is necessary. Everything leans towards chaos. So just accept this fact, shut up, and deal with your pathetic world.